RMB Real Weddings: Asking your Bridesmaids

March 8, 2019

Asking your Bridesmaids

Carly here with Milk Glass Productions. This month we are serving up advice and tips regarding bridesmaids. Having your bridal party by your side is essential! However, it can be really tough to feel as though you’re choosing between the important people in your life! And honestly, my fiancé and I struggled with this one. We are from the same group of friends in college and there are a lot of family and friends to include. My biggest piece of advice is to simply follow your heart. It is your day after all!

Don’t let others dictate your decision(s):

Who cares if you have “too many” or “not enough”. Our bridal party might be considered “too many” by most people. I would definitely suggest talking it over first with your fiancé before you ask or mention it to anyone. This way you can both decide if it is important to have the same amount of people or not. I personally do not think it matters. For example, I have one bride this year that has 12 bridesmaids while her fiancé has 7 groomsmen. It works out just fine. In this situation, you can have the groomsmen standing up at the altar already and then have the bridesmaids walk down the aisle alone (although with heels it is nice to have an arm). You can also double up so the groomsmen have a bridesmaid on each arm (2 total) during the processional.

I also had a recently-engaged bride whose childhood friend said, “I’m going to be a bridesmaid, right!?” Put on the spot like that, the bride agreed nervously. While I think it was rather presumptuous of the friend to ask this, my bride had just committed. She now has to go back and say, “Actually, after chatting with my fiancé, we both just want to do family and keep it small.” It is an uncomfortable conversation to have, no doubt. This is why, before you commit to anything, take the time to think about it and have a discussion with your fiancé to avoid awkward situations like this. Maybe have a “blanket response” to use with any/everyone while you figure out what you and your future spouse really want. Consider something like “I’m so excited you’re so excited about our wedding, however, we are still soaking up this engagement and haven’t made any decisions yet. But don’t worry, I have your number!”

Remember, this is your day! So while not everyone will agree with your decisions, that’s okay. It’s important that you and your fiancé are happy with your decisions to make your wedding day special.

Set expectations and ask in advance when possible:

I recommend asking 8 months to a year in advance when inviting friends and family to be a part of your big day. Giving ample time with a save-the-date (when possible) will allow the wedding party time to prepare financially, personally, and professionally for the upcoming travel and festivities associated with bridal party “duties” such as the engagement party, bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal shower, etc. I would also let them know what you are expecting of them in case you have someone that is pregnant, a big workload that year, or cannot financially commit. I’ve had it happen a few times where a bride drops a bridesmaid for one reason or another. So again, try to avoid situations that will be stress-inducing because it will be a stressful year as is!

Popping the question to your bridal party:

I chose to create a personalized box from BoxFox for my bride tribe! I customized every box for each bridesmaid by including a Boomf Card. Boomf is a card that pops open into a 3D picture cube and bursts with confetti when you peel back and open the card. I added pictures of the bridesmaid and me from different stages of our lives together all around the cube. It was so fun watching each of them open the surprise and get scared/excited. It really was a great laugh and I actually video-taped a lot of them in slow motion!

The Boxfox I chose was a special promotion with Urban Outfitters around the holidays that was pre-packaged and color coordinated! If you have a large bridal party, I suggest waiting for a holiday or Black Friday sale. The box I selected had a quartz roller, Australian clay mask, chocolate bar, candle, and more! If you’re on a budget, consider making custom boxes at home!

Need an idea for your asking groomsmen? My fiancé, who is obsessed with everything Yeti, decided to have custom Yeti Colster made with his groomsmen’s initials on them. My fiancé even had Yeti Colster made after we got engaged engraved with the date and “I said YES.”

There’s no right or wrong way to ask your bridesmaids or a perfect number for a wedding party. Just remember to stay true to yourself and again, follow your heart, when making decisions regarding your wedding party!

If you’re recently engaged and have more questions regarding your bridal party or need a little advice, reach out to your wedding planner for input.